It Is Darkest Just Before Dawn

It maybe due to the coffee I drank late in the afternoon that I am still widely awake now at midnight. My conscious mind has been talking to my subconscious and superconscious. I would like to add that I am not hallucinating, nor nearing mental retardation. I figure the oneness of the three divinity - the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit. I guess you have to as well read The Game Of Life to understand what I am saying.

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My story starts when I was a two year old toddler. No, it will not take you ten years to finish reading this post :) …. In the second floor of my grandparent’s house, in a long chair beside a widely open window, I remember my mother sitting and holding me while I peek in the window. Below I see a carved stone used for grinding rice, a concrete post and my grandfather sitting in a bench looking at me while I reach away from the window to see children playing. I guess after that it was complete darkness.

Seven years later my mother told me the next chapter.  Before the complete darkness, I fell from the window, fortunately landed not in the carved stone and not in the concrete post, but in between them where a soft sandy soil that envelope my bloody face. My grandfather who ran to me without his slippers on and money in his pocket, urgently brought me to the nearest clinic where I miraculously recovered. My mother believed that my angel saved me. From that moment, impressed in my subconscious is that God loves me very much and he sent someone to take care and watch over me.

Growing up I overhear my parents tell my good qualities and that God saved me because I must have greater things in life in store for me. That started me to believe in myself. The third person who I think affected my self belief was my teacher in the third grade. She showed appreciation of what I am capable of and influenced me to love studying, learning and reading. The morals? Let your kids overhear you speak of their good qualities to make them believe in themselves.

Materially we were poor, but my greatest consolation is that I am well loved by my family. There was an occasion I remember both my parents were away for weeks to look for hard earned money in the city to support us.  I was twelve and my brother ten years old then. We were left alone at home to cook for our food and tend for our daily needs. That encouraged me to study harder. I clearly know the direction I would like to take, to finish studying, land a good job in a big company so I can give my parents a comfortable life and build them a house of their own. During that time I had already drawn a dream house for them.  Fast forward more years after, my dream came true, it was not exactly the house I imagined when I was young, but I was able to build them a house of their own. It pays to dream big from the start, because your actions will lead you to it. The end result may be bigger or smaller than what you imagined, but the good thing is that you can make it happen.

When I started earning and being able to provide, I was empowered. When everything I dreamed of as a kid are all coming true, I thought God must really love me. As I age, when alone I talk to myself more often. There are also glimpses and flashes of things to good to be true being impressed in my mind that I find myself in tears and developed a burning desire in my heart to make a difference, inspire and help people who are in poverty for the longest time in their life. It's like a voice urging me to share the formula I learned – Dream, Hope, Love, Family, Believing in oneself and Faith in the Almighty - mindset that will lead you to act according to your heart’s desire which will bring true happiness in life.  

Fast forward to year 2012, it maybe the darkest hour before the greatest manifestation, my beloved mother developed diabetic neuropathy where nerves that bring nutrients and medicines to her feet had blockages. For three months suffered a wound in her right foot that never heals and it started to rot. It was a very traumatic event in my life to see my mother suffer in agonizing pain. On the third month she passed away. My mother and I really have a very close resemblance, so every time I look in the mirror I remember my mother. This I think is the biggest reason why it took me very long time to recover from depression. Now I am accepting the fact that death is not the end, but a doorway.

It is now 2013. For the past few months I have met and got acquainted with website founders and good people with clear advocacy in life who I believe will help me make a difference by becoming a Social Entrepreneur. I am a believer of teaching people how to fish than giving fish.  Now I started to gain momentum, humbled and with a better perspective in life, I continue my quest for the greatest manifestation.